Budget Beauty for Broke Bitches (like me.)

The key to cheapo mascara: use a lot. Also, leave it open for one day so it gets a little thicker. But just ONE day. Not like never close ever again. (<---get a load of that sentence! DANG! badder English can't be founded!) These guys all will do the job if you take the time to layer it on. And not so it makes one huge ugly clump of black, carefully like you are painting a great work of art.

Maybelline Great Lash Mascara, Curved Brush, Very Black 


L'Oreal Telescopic Explosion Mascara


Max Factor Volume Couture Mascara


L'Oreal Extra Volume Collagen Washable Mascara Collection

"Geez I wish she'd stop talking about that extra step that I will never do!"

If you want to be that way, assholes, fine. Be that way. I have no comeback to those not willing to put in the effort. Makeup isn't brain surgery, but...well, yeah. So who cares.

Me. I do. I want perfect lashes. And you do, too. Suck it up and do the extra step. Your brain surgeon will do a better job on you if you're pretty. Everyone knows that. Thank me later.

Estee Lauder Lash Primer Plus 


LANCOME OSCILLATION POWERBOOSTER LUSH PRIMER


Shiseido The Makeup MASCARA BASE 


Armani Soft Lash primer


Smashbox Layer Lash Primer



And if you want more and longer lashes, NeuLash Eyelash Enhancement Serum  really works. There are others out there, but I have seen the results with this one. Watch out for irritation and if you stop using it your lashes will return to normal. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Sensitive little flowers and tiny lashed ladies....

My mom has three eyelashes. Seriously. You can't eff around with ladies who have a hard time with mascara. The best stuff will clump and mess on these girls. These two won't. Great also for people who are allergic or sensitive. Don't worry Mom, your secret is safe with me and my 17 readers.
Bobbi Brown Everything Mascara


Clinique Naturally Glossy Mascara

Insert (heehee) hilarious vibrator joke here.

So what is up with this whole thing about vibrating mascara? I dunno. But it is a cool idea. I know.  I know. It's a gimmick. But a COOL one. All of these claim about 7000 movements per second, wrapping each tiny little lash in a sheath of awesome. I can't tell you which is best...I like all three of these. The clump factor is low and they really do the length thing and the volume thing. And your boyfriend will think you flipped out.

 Fine. If you take a tiny brush or a flat liner brush and paint your mascara on like Georgia O'Keefe you will get better lashes. But barring having the patience of a saint this does give attention to each little effing hair.

What do you think? Have you fallen for this bullshit like I have? Let me know your thoughts.
 Lancome Oscillation Vibrating Infinite Power Mascara


Estee Lauder Turbolash All Effects Motion Mascara


Maybelline New York Pulse Perfection Vibrating Mascara

Even really shitty technique with shadow can be improved by massive amounts of mascara!

Ok. I have a obsession with mascara. But I also have a secret belief that they are all the same. But that's not true, because I  hate a bunch of them. So it all comes back to me being a bossy fickle bitch again.

Mascara has what seems like endless possibilities but it boils down to two questions:
Do you want more lashes or longer lashes?
and
Do you require waterproof shit that will not come off without a jack hammer and vaseline or just regular wash it off stuff?

My answers are almost always VOLUME aka more lashes and NOT WATERPROOF...unless it's a wedding or a funeral. Shit that says it curls your lashes is going to encourage curl but just suck it up and buy a curler. I like Nars Eyelash Curler or Shiseido Eyelash Curler. Then put one of these beauties on and call it a day.

YSL Volume Effet Faux Cils : realllly pretty because it looks like patent leather even when dry. The tube runs out of juice very fast but it's worth it  If you have $30 to spend every three weeks.



Armani Eyes To Kill Mascara : the best shit out there. This formula lifts and separates like an extremely expensive bra.



Cle de Peau Volume Mascara : kinda messy, but worth the clean up on aisle 5. Triples the size of an individual lash. I have no proof of that. But that's what it looks like to me.


 Lancome Hypnose Mascara
is just good basic mascara. Nice and soft and not clumpy or shed-y.



Lancome Paris Definicils High Definition Mascara  : I included two lancome mascaras without even meaning to. They make great mascara. It just works. They sell a bunch of it, too.


Chanel Inimitable Waterproof Multi Dimensional Mascara : this has one of those plastic tooth brushes that really apply color to each and every lash. Super popular with my artist buddies.


Christian Dior Diorshow Blackout Mascara : This is one of the ones that I kinda hate. Diorshow Mascara has that big teddy-bear brush that gets mascara all over my face rather than my lashes, but that could be because I am a klutz. It's kinda gloppy, too. But Blackout is VERY black, and I adore really dark shit.


Estee Lauder Magnascopic Maximum Volume Mascara  is suprisingly good. I keep ending up using this because it lasts forever and the brush stays in shape even if you use the tube everyday for a year. But don't do that. Bacteria loves mascara, that's why Oprah will tell you to replace it every three months.