If you want to be that way, assholes, fine. Be that way. I have no comeback to those not willing to put in the effort. Makeup isn't brain surgery, but...well, yeah. So who cares.
Me. I do. I want perfect lashes. And you do, too. Suck it up and do the extra step. Your brain surgeon will do a better job on you if you're pretty. Everyone knows that. Thank me later.
And if you want more and longer lashes, NeuLash Eyelash Enhancement Serum really works. There are others out there, but I have seen the results with this one. Watch out for irritation and if you stop using it your lashes will return to normal. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Ok. I have a obsession with mascara. But I also have a secret belief that they are all the same. But that's not true, because I hate a bunch of them. So it all comes back to me being a bossy fickle bitch again.
Mascara has what seems like endless possibilities but it boils down to two questions:
Do you want more lashes or longer lashes?
and
Do you require waterproof shit that will not come off without a jack hammer and vaseline or just regular wash it off stuff?
My answers are almost always VOLUME aka more lashes and NOT WATERPROOF...unless it's a wedding or a funeral. Shit that says it curls your lashes is going to encourage curl but just suck it up and buy a curler. I like Nars Eyelash Curler or Shiseido Eyelash Curler. Then put one of these beauties on and call it a day.
YSL Volume Effet Faux Cils : realllly pretty because it looks like patent leather even when dry. The tube runs out of juice very fast but it's worth it If you have $30 to spend every three weeks.
Armani Eyes To Kill Mascara : the best shit out there. This formula lifts and separates like an extremely expensive bra.
Cle de Peau Volume Mascara : kinda messy, but worth the clean up on aisle 5. Triples the size of an individual lash. I have no proof of that. But that's what it looks like to me.
Christian Dior Diorshow Blackout Mascara : This is one of the ones that I kinda hate. Diorshow Mascara has that big teddy-bear brush that gets mascara all over my face rather than my lashes, but that could be because I am a klutz. It's kinda gloppy, too. But Blackout is VERY black, and I adore really dark shit.
Estee Lauder Magnascopic Maximum Volume Mascara is suprisingly good. I keep ending up using this because it lasts forever and the brush stays in shape even if you use the tube everyday for a year. But don't do that. Bacteria loves mascara, that's why Oprah will tell you to replace it every three months.
Everybody loves it. They don't really have a color I like for me and I swear my skin is too dry for it but people go batshit crazy for Armani Luminous Silk Foundation
It would be wrong to not include this behemoth of an award winner in Foundation Week. Ok, it's true. I kinda hate it, but how could sooo many artists be wrong?
There are a lot of liquid liners in the world. And honestly, I haven't tried very many. I hate how messy and hard to handle they can be and some are so liquidy that there is hardly any pigment. I usually use a pot liner with a brush....but we'll get to that tomorrow. So, I was given an Armani Maestro Liquid liner. And I left it in the drawer. For a while. But one day, feeling a little bored with my routine, opened her up. DANG! I discovered and easy applicator and some dark black pigment I can place right in the root of my lashline. So easy. Throw all those cakey pens away. Plz and Thx.
My answer: buy the popular stuff so I have it in my arsenal, but wear the weird/new/edgy stuff. Most of time. Except when I want consistent results. Then stick to the popular stuff. Ugh. There is no answer. You know how McDonald's is so successful? You know exactly what you're going to get. It will come in a certain package and have the same taste every time. So, no, it's not a culinary masterpiece, but you can depend on it. These are the McDonald's of blushes. Go find a Glamour magazine that doesn't have one of these guys in it.
Do you own Orgasm?
Because everyone should. It is the most famous blush EVER and I have no numbers to back that statement up, but it's totally true. You need it because it is the perfect shade of pink/peach and it complements almost every skin tone. I find it doesn't last on me, but nothing does, so I might as well put on some hiking boots and get the hell over it.
My mom hates this blush. The delivery system, the damn puff on the top, is awkward and applies color in bursts that are nearly unblendable. That being said, I think the colors in this line are effing gorgeous. A little bit tranny, but super fancy. And I say unscrew the top and deal with loose pink powder all over your countertop. YSL Yves Saint Laurent Touche Blush
Fine, I may have issues with Armani Foundation, but the blush is real real nice. I usually put #5 on anyone who stands still long enough. It's like brown and pinky and stuff. And whooo-eeee does it sell.
You gotta have some good skin for Benefit Cosmetics Benetint.
But man, for people looking for that natural flush look, this is THE item. It still makes me a little prone to screaming, "Grow UP, lady!" to people wearing it, but I will try not to. Anymore. I mean, it was just that once.
Really? You can't be more creative than Chanel Joues Contraste Powder Blush Orchid Rose?
What a snooze. Sure, you have been wearing it for 9 years, since you got it when you got your make-up done for prom, but that doesn't mean it isn't time for a change. OK, fine. It's pretty. And goes on well. And the girl at the Chanel counter says, "Don't fix it if it ain't broke," every time you buy it. But just stop already, will you?
really works. There are others out there, but I have seen the results with this one. Watch out for irritation and if you stop using it your lashes will return to normal. Don't say I didn't warn you.
or 
. Then put one of these beauties on and call it a day.
